Trigger Warning: Discussion of sexual assault, brief mention of suicide as an impact of trauma.
Trauma is disabling in and of itself. Trauma can also lead to other disabilities such as mental illness (depression, anxiety, etc) and substance use disorder, and may manifest as physical symptoms too. Yet, it isn’t discussed enough in the context of disability - it’s almost treated as separate, as is the case with mental illness in general. So, I’m going to try to write about it here.
I could go on about PTSD, flashbacks, hypervigilance, how your trust in others and views of yourself and the world are challenged, and the many other disabling aspects of trauma and PTSD. But instead, specifically, I want to talk about how peoples’ reactions to trauma adds to trauma.
As a culture, rape culture is ingrained in us from the beginning. In theory, we are taught that abuse and rape are bad things - some of the worst things you can do to a person. But it is often only really thought of that way in the hypothetical (and more rare) case of a stranger in a dark alley using horrific violence to sexually assault someone. People make excuses when it comes to sexual assault that involves drinking, coercion, withdrawal of consent, and both date rape and spousal rape. Victim-blaming is a common experience of survivors despite the increase in awareness of the term. When a victim comes forward, they’re the ones that get put under microscopes. Not only do they have to deal with the burden of “proving” they are not lying about one of the worst things to happen to them, a highly re-traumatizing process to begin with, but they have to deal with people examining every detail about their lives. This is especially the case if the perpetrator is famous in some way. And thanks to the internet, victims of famous and powerful perpetrators have to deal with lots of harassment, and probably even stumbling across a lot of posts about how they’re liars trying to get the perpetrator’s money. You want to see a witch hunt? You want to talk about cancel culture? Watch people go through years of a victim’s twitter posts to find evidence that they’re shady and dishonest, watch the harassment they face all because people can’t handle the possibility that their favorite artist or politician abused someone, then we’ll talk.
The perpetrator does not have to be powerful and famous in order for the consequences of coming forward to leave you with scars. If they’re someone you share any sort of community with, you run the risk of people victim-blaming you, taking sides, or just not caring that much about the abuse and choosing to look the other way rather than support you and condemn what the perpetrator did. I have heard of this happening in families, friend groups, political organizations, social organizations, and music scenes - but it can unfortunately happen in literally any community, no matter how big or small.
The isolation and ostracization the victim experiences after coming forward about a rapist or abuser, in a time when they are vulnerable and just need support, can severely impact their recovery process. Relationships with unsupportive people who can't put aside their previous feelings about the accused are dangerous to the survivor. The survivor now also has to deal with their intense emotions about other people's reactions to their disclosure of being abused. People who likely would otherwise be very supportive if it was a stranger in a dark alley who harmed you cannot offer you any support because the abuser is their friend or family member or someone else they admire. They assume that because that friend or family member has always been good to them, they automatically know who that person is and what they're capable of, even when someone is recounting their experience that contradicts this and has left them traumatized. While I believe to some extent this reaction is human, that doesn't make it okay. It is still an unbelievably selfish reaction, and it says a lot about one's character that they would side with an abuser before offering a survivor genuine support just because they have some sort of relationship with the accused.
Survivors are completely abandoned by society at large, even if the recent #MeToo movement may lead you to believe that everyone supports us. I don't think it's too far-fetched to believe the abandonment of survivors is likely a huge factor in enabling abusers and allowing abuse and sexual assault to continue. Rapists watch our society and they know that because of rape culture, the odds are in their favor. The lack of support for survivors and widespread defense of rapists sets the stage for more sexual assault and abuse to occur. People can say they "believe survivors" all they want but this is one step, and it should be a fairly easy one at that. It's hard for me to believe people really care unless they not only believe survivors but actively show they support survivors too. And the truth is, a lot of people fail to even do that. A lot of people who should know better actually do the opposite and cause survivors greater harm. It could be family members and friends who get annoyed with a survivor who can't heal right away, and stop calling. It could be friends or family of a survivor who keep the rapist in their lives. It could be family members who say things like "that doesn't sound like rape/abuse." It could be schools who choose not to expel rapists and "potentially jeopardize their future." We've all heard these stories. When will we do something about them?
Having a positive support system, whether it's family, friends, a whole community, is essential to a survivor's well-being. When they don't have this, when others react in ways that are unsupportive, the impact that the trauma has on a survivor can be even more detrimental. According to Calhoun et al, "A recent meta-analysis determined that trauma-exposed individuals with relational partners who show greater negative affect towards them and make more negative social evaluations of them experience more severe PTSD symptoms; in fact, the effect size for “negative social reactions” in predicting PTSD symptom severity was significantly larger than those of more positive social support factors"
(Calhoun et al, 2022). This shows how important it is to support survivors. And yet so much time is wasted thinking about the future of the rapist or abuser. When does the survivor get a future? And I don't mean a future that only exists to inspire, or a future that only matters if they are "thriving," "independent," "successful," and "strong" - I mean a future in which they are truly supported and given space to heal without the pressure to "forgive" or "get over it," a future that is considered even before anyone wonders about the potential or value of their abuser or rapist.
A future in which a rapist isn't referred to by famous actors as a role model.
It's difficult to write this without touching on current events. I've always been fascinated by celebrity sexual assault trials because they often highlight things about our society as a whole, not just celebrities and Hollywood. They always end up looking so similar to what happens to "ordinary people" when it comes to sexual assault. Despite the differences in our privileges and circumstances, we are not so different from them when it comes to the impact of rape culture. And the ways celebrity sexual assault trials play out influences the ways that rape culture influences "ordinary" sexual assault cases too.
I was disappointed in Ashton and Mila, but I wasn't surprised. For one, I don't expect much from celebrities at this point. For another thing, I've seen people side with rapists and abusers, especially famous ones or their friends, so many times it rarely surprises me. I don't blame others for being shocked though. I think Ashton and Mila are a perfect example of how easy it can be to performatively support survivors without actually supporting them. I think their letters are a perfect example of how many people abandon survivors and support rapists and abusers, especially when they happen to be their charismatic and charming friends.
This abandonment, this support of rapists and abusers, is a big reason that being a survivor is often extremely isolating. The isolation can lead to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, substance abuse, and other disabling conditions. But it doesn't have to be this bad for survivors - the actions and inaction of people in response to survivors coming forward often makes it this way. Truly prioritizing the support of survivors instead of supporting their abusers and rapists and working to undo the damage of rape culture is the way forward. "Believe survivors" is the bare minimum. And we must start viewing these as disability issues, not just separate issues that don't belong in conversations about disability.
One last thing: I am currently reading Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture - And What We Can Do about It by Kate Harding. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to learn more about our culture's response to sexual assault and how we can work to improve it.
Source:
Calhoun, C. D., Stone, K. J., Cobb, A. R., Patterson, M. W., Danielson, C. K., &; Bendezú, J. J. (2022). The role of social support in coping with psychological trauma: An integrated biopsychosocial model for posttraumatic stress recovery. Psychiatric Quarterly, 93(4), 949–970. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11126-022-10003-w
This is such an important post. It infuriates me how much we as women are forced to carry around in the world when it comes to rape and sexual assault. "Don't wear revealing clothes". "Don't drink too much". The onus gets put on us instead of boys being taught "Don't rape women" or "No means no" or what consent means (I know women can be the perpetrators of sexual assault too but since the majority are men, I'm speaking on that). I won't take an Uber or a Lyft by myself, especially having a visible limp because I feel like it's too risky. And it's the same whether you're famous or not, just like you said. Thank you for writing this.
an important post -- thank you for writing